Eternal Suffication
by DedicatedDropout
Summary: And with that, I traced a long, thin line, across the vein that would kill me". When Nessie has a misunderstanding about Jake's Imprint, is she driven to the edge thinking that she has no reason to exist? Will Jake save her? What's the truth behind it?
1. Beginnings

I woke up to the most beautiful face in the world. Jake, across the room sleeping on my mini sofa, was cheesing at me like a three year old.

"Well good morning sunshine,", he said playfully. I couldn't help but smile. So irresistible. He jogged across the room and stopped at the door.

"You coming?". I grabbed a pair of jeans and a jacket.

I spent more time with the pack than I did my own family. It was sad really, but they were amazing. They were like my brothers. All of them.

"Well, well, well, look who's getting chunky,", Jared giggled.

"Shut up", I moaned, but I couldn't help but smile. I trotted into the middle of the clearing.

"Catch me if you can losers!!!", I yelled at Jake and Jared. This enticed a full on game of tag. I ran, full speed ahead. I heard the tearing of clothes behind me.

"Hey! It's NOT fair if you phase!", I yelled behind me. I ran to the woods and hid behind a shrub, watching Jared sniff around. I giggled.

"What, you can't keep the lead vampire girl?", Jake teased. I jumped.

"I can, but can you?", I chuckled, running. The grass in the clearing was high, so I immediately ducked and rolled onto my back.

I closed my eyes. This was perfect. Jake's scent was everywhere, the sky was clear and the breeze tickled my cheeks. I could've laid there forever.

Everything changed in seconds. One second I'm flat on my back, happier than any person in the world, and the next I'm tossed in the air, caught by warm {strong} hands, and staring into the most beautiful fear-filled eyes in the world.


	2. Run

"**Jake? Jake, what's wrong?". I'm fumbling, stuttering for words. Jake's face hardens, and he shoves me behind him. I do not understand. **

"**Jake please! Jake please tell me what's going on!"**

"_**Run.", **_**he growls. I don't argue. I turn and head, directly for the Cullen House, not stopping for anything. It's not until I hear footsteps, too fast to be human and too light to be werewolves, that I start running faster. **_**Vampire. **_**And not one I know. The scent is not familiar. The scent is smoky and dry. The House is completely in sight.**

"**Mom! Mom, Dad!", I yell. **

**I run into the house, nearly falling on my face as I fly through the entrance. I'm about to call out for help again when two cold hands grab my shoulders.**

"**Ness, Ness! Oh my god, I'm so happy you're home!", Mom shrieks. **

"**Where's Jake?"**

_**Jacob. **_

**Jake didn't follow me to the woods. I don't have time to talk, nor do I care if mom knows where I'm going. I'm out the door again in seconds, heading for the woods. **_**Let the vampire eat me. Let it rip me to shreds. I. Don't. Care.**_

"**Jake! Jacob! Where are you?", I don't stop, and I'm beginning to panic. **

**I run into a tree because I'm an idiot. I can't breathe. I'm gasping for air.**

"**Ness? Ness, hun I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's me, it's Jake. Come on."**

**I did not hit a tree. I hit Jacob. Jacob.**

"**YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!!", I yell. "I'm sorry Jake I shouldn't of run I'm sorry!"**

"**Sorry for what? I told you to, it was to protect you. Look, it doesn't change things. Something's still here, we've got to go. He lifts me by his arm, and I stumble after him through the woods.**

**We're met in front of the house by mom and dad. **

"**We need to talk", dad says hoarsely. At first, I think he's addressing us both, but he's only looking at Jacob. I let go of his hand, and he follows dad to the backyard. **

**Mom wraps an arm around my shoulders and leads me into the house, where we meet everyone in the living room. It seems like ages until Jake comes back into the house with dad. Hoping that no one notices, I scoot myself closer to him as he lumbers into the living room. **

"**There's nothing to worry about. It's simply Nahuel, and his sister Alaina. Jacob hadn't recognized Alaina's scent, and got a little protective. Everything's fine.", dad says. I believe him. You can believe everything in that velvety voice of his. **

"**Jake, Ness, why don't you go to the bonfire at Emily's? We'll sort things out here.". I nod. Jake grabs my hand, and leads me out. **


	3. Hurt

This is how it should be. The entire Pack, together. Jared, Quil, Embry, Paul, Sam, Seth, Leah, and my perfect, perfect Jacob Black.

I scoot in closer to him. He wraps his warm arms around me, and I can't help but blush. Everything is going fine, so why does Embry have to open his goddamned mouth?

"So how's the Imprint, if you know what I mean?", he chuckles. Jacob growls, Embry winks, Paul and Jared start making bets on who'll win if there's a fight. I tug on Jake's shirt. "What does he mean by Imprint? You don't…you don't mean you found her…do you?", I couldn't help but whimper the words. Jacob glares at Embry.

"Yeah. Yeah I found her, and she's perfect,", he says smiling. How could Jake smile like that? My heart sinks. So he's found her.

****Jacob's POV****

_Shut your mouth Embry, she doesn't know yet._

_You haven't told her? You haven't popped the 'Oh Nessie, I can't bear to live without you' deal? Huh. Too bad. Maybe I'll take a crack at her if you don't get a move on._

_You won't touch her Embry._

_So, you don't wanna claim the property, but you don't wanna sell it?_

_****_Renesme's POV****

His Imprint. His soul mate, that he can't bear to be away from, the one person in the world that ties him to this earth. All the dreams I had of him, all the kisses I longed for, every touch that now means nothing, all hope I've ever had in this entire godforsaken world is completely shattered, because the boy I love is most likely ogling some blonde, beautiful bombshell, and there is nothing I can do about it. Jake will not see me cry.

"So you found her?", I mumble. Jake looks at me happily.

"Yeah, she's perfect.", he says.

I get up and stumble over to Sam, grab some marsh mellows from the bag he's holding, and walk back. Embry smacks my ass when I walk near him.

Everything happens quickly. Jake starts shaking uncontrollably, he storms past me. I try to follow. Everyone else, they run. Jared grabs me by the waist and drags me away. No. No, I can fix this. My Jacob is hurting, and I cannot, will not, give him up without even checking to make sure he has no feelings for me.

It's very hard to fight a werewolf, but I manage to elbow him in the ribs and break away. I sprint until I'm directly in front of Jake, who keeps backing away from me looking horrified.

"No, Jake please I can fix it!", I'm trying to make my voice as soothing as possible. Patting him, crying, even hitting him. I am running out of time. At this rate, Jake will burst out of his skin, and I will be killed. No helping it.

"NESS! You either figure something out or run NOW, there's no more time!", Sam screams.

"What do I do!", I yell. Jake is crying. Everyone looks horrified, except Embry who looks guilty, and Paul who looks miserable. Sad. Before I know it I'm crying too, and I realize that if anything is going to get through to Jake, something extreme is going to have to happen.

"I'm sorry Ness, I'm sorry I can't hold on anymore. I'm sorry.", he whispers. Shaking. Uncontrollably. This is it.

I shove ever ounce of rationality out of my body and grab Jacob's face in my hands.

"I know,", I cry. I bring his face to mine.

His lips are so warm. So perfect, just like I thought they'd be. The second we connect, the second our lips touch, everything changes. I am glowing. I am flying. I feel like the luckiest, happiest person in the world, and if I have to die like this than I will.

Jake brings his hands to mine. He is not shaking anymore. For a second, I think that I have won. I think that I have gotten the most perfect thing in the world, and then he breaks this kiss, staring at me incredulously.

The heat drains from my body. The Packs' faces have gone from horrified to awestruck. I drop my hands, turn around and run in the direction of the house. Rejection washes over me. How could I be so stupid? He already has someone. His Imprint. I've done the dumbest thing in the world, when I could've just run away. It would've been so easy, but I'm such an idiot that I had to leave reality.

About a half a mile away from the house, I stumble into a small clearing. I am out of breathe. My cheeks are flushed, and the salt in my tears stings my lips. My legs give out beneath me and I fall to the ground without protest. My skin glitters in the moonlight. I cannot understand. I just lay there and cry. I cry because I'm stupid, I cry because part of me does not regret being stupid, making me even stupider. I cry because I am alone, and tired, and foolish, and not good enough.

I cry because the perfect boy, the boy I was absolutely, head over heels in love with, did not love me back. I cry because I know that no matter how much I try to hate him, I can't, and that I will never love anyone as much as I love him. And I can't do anything about it. _Let there please be something out here, something that will kill me, _I pray. And with that, I give in to everything, and close my eyes.


	4. It goes both ways

****Jacobs POV****

I didn't know what to do. The feeling, the heat that flooded inside me was mesmerizing. How else do you describe something so perfect? Until she dropped her hands and ran. She ran like a little kid about to get in trouble, or a scared rabbit.

It wasn't till two minutes later that I realized how dangerous it is to walk home by herself, especially with the way she looks. I didn't phase, but it was easier for me to find her now. I felt her, felt where she was, and felt that I needed to be with her.

I found her in a clearing, in the middle of the woods. She's so stupid. Who falls asleep somewhere like here, where it's so dangerous? It hurt to think of what could've happened to her had I not come looking.

I picked her up with one swift move, and carried her until she was safe in the arms of her family. Bella looked at me strangely.

"You look like something's troubling you.", she said with her new bell voice. I sighed, and told her everything.

"She stopped me from phasing. Sam said that's never happened to anyone, even if the Imprint tried the same thing. He says he's never seen anything like it.". I stopped. I had hurt her. I could feel it.

Bella and Edward gave me permission to the stay the night, not that I wouldn't have put up a fight. I walked as quietly as I could into Ness' room. She was sound asleep, and even though I'd brought her home twenty minutes ago, there were tear tracks on her face. I winced at the thought of hurting her enough to make her cry.

I pulled up one of her hand's and lifted it to my cheek. She was dreaming about dying. I could see her, drowning. I could see myself and another girl at the shore, laughing, and talking while she drowned in the background. She was screaming for me, crying my name. I didn't even look back once. I wanted to die right then. But I couldn't. Not if she was still on this earth. I settled down on the sofa across from her bed, and did not expect to sleep.


	5. Misunderstanding

**I wake up in bed again. Am I dead? It's sunny again. I sit up and lift up my wrists. There's a long, thin scar in place of the cut that should've killed me. Should've given me peace. I will not bother going downstairs. I start to undress so that I can take a shower when I hear mom through the wall.**

"**Yes, yes we're sorry. Alright, we'll try to find him. He'll come around Seth, it's Jake, he always comes home.".**

**So Jacob has run away. Did I make him feel bad? I thought my heart couldn't sink any lower, but the thought of hurting Jacob absolutely tore it out and left it on the floor for me to stare at guiltily. I put my shirt back on and swung myself out the window. I was headed for La Push.**

******Jacob's POV******

**When I tucked her into bed last night, the scars on her wrists made me want to die. I had **_**reason **_**to die. But I did not understand. I thought she was trying to tell me, trying to admit it. That she loved me. But I did something wrong. I don't know what, but if she wants to die, just to get away from me, I'll leave, and make sure there's no chance of saving me. **

**I had to phase, just so I could run quickly. It didn't keep the Pack out of my head though. **

_**Your being stupid. Talk it out, Jacob it always works out you can't be so impulsive.**_

_**Sam, first, I almost killed her. Then, because of me, SHE tried to kill her. Get out of my head.**_

**I ran at full speed. I had a plan. If Ness wanted to slit wrists, then that was the style we were going with. I was headed towards the cliff Bella jumped off of. I remember how bad she felt when Edward was around.**

**When I got there, I'd phase back, put some jeans on, just in case someone found my body, and take the small silver razor out of the back pocket. Two cuts, and I'd fall into the water. If I didn't bleed out, I'd drown. And that was perfectly fine with me. Because I didn't even have her in this world. **


	6. Savior

****Renesme's POV****

Seth seems like the world had exploded when he sees me. His face lights up brighter than a Texan house in Christmas.

"You're ALIVE!!!!! OHMYGOD. Jacob. OHMYGOD. Jacob, we have to go find him! NOW! He thinks your dead, he's trying his luck at suicide, we gotta go okay? Now!", he screams.

I can't make sense of what he's saying. And then I feel it. I feel Jacobs urge. His _need_ to die, at this very moment. I run.

I don't know where, but I know that it's toward him. It's towards my perfect boy, and even if it kills me to see him again, he will still be alive. I realize, just then, that I'd rather suffocate for eternity, never being able to breathe but never being able to die, than know that he was dead. That he didn't exist.

My heart is racing. I am close. I can smell him now, and I can hear him, his heavy feet, hitting the ground with anxiety. I ran faster.

"Jake! Jake no! Please! Jake please!", I scream/whine.

I can no longer hear his heavy footsteps. He has phased. He's already there. When I make it to the cliff, he already has his jeans on, and he's ready to cut. Aiming.

"JAKE NO!", I scream. He turns. My beautiful angel turns, and drops the razor. Without thinking, I slam into him, knocking us both off the cliff.

My mind is quick enough to process the rocks beneath us. I shove Jake out of the way, which only aims me right on top them. I scream, but this time I'm not screaming for a bad reason. It's a scream of exhilaration, like my mom says. I am happy to die for my Jacob, happy to die at all, if I can't have him.


End file.
